I never really knew you. At all. In fact... when we WERE classmates, I have to admit I could barely stand you half the time. You were an arrogant asshole. But I'll give you one thing, you were funny as hell (I was just a bitch most of the time.).

I'm sorry that you're gone. I'm sorry you felt you had to leave. Everyone who had a chance to go to school with you feels the loss of your life, you really did have an impact on all of us.

How and why did you manage to carry it out in the way you did? How much pain could you possibly have been in? How did you manage to seem so happy regardless of all of that? Admittedly, you hurt very many people with what you did...but that probably pales in comparison to what drove you to the act.

I'm sorry you will never get the chance to see that life has the chance to get better.

Goodbye, Cookie. I never knew you.

_{A well known student from my high school was recently found to have killed himself.}

I was tagged by

001. Real name?
Kaitlin

002. Nickname(s)?
Kait, Katie Kaboom, Katie (only to one person.)

003. Zodiac sign?
Cancer

004. Male or female?
Female

005. Elementary?
Maple Tree, Stuart, Golda Meir

006. Middle School?
Roosevelt

007. High School?
Milwaukee High School of the Arts

008. Hair color?
Naturally a dishwater blonde, currently brown/red/black

009. Long or short?
growing it out

010. Loud or Quiet?
loud-ish

011. Sweats or Jeans?
Jeans

012. Phone or Camera?
both~!

013. Health freak?
meh

014. Drink or Smoke?
Drink occasionally, but I dont smoke.

015. Do you have a crush on someone?
I like people

016. Eat or Drink?
I've never eaten anything in my entire life, yo.

017. Piercings?
I have three in each earlobe, but I think thats down to two because the 3rd closed. not sure.

018. Tattoos?
still trying to decide


HAVE YOU EVER?

019. Been in an airplane?
Tons

020. Been in a car accident?
two minor ones I believe

021. Been in a fist fight?
I hit people on the shoulder and they hit me back

FIRSTS:

022. First piercing?
6th grade - earlobe

023. First best friend?
Savannah, kindergarten.

025. First award?
Blue ribbon at the 3rd grade spelling bee!

026. First crush?
someone from high school.

028. First big vacation?
Great Wolf Lodge several years ago?


LASTS:

029. Last person you talked to?
~Alternate-Deviant

030. Last person you texted?
~Alternate-Deviant

031. Last person you watched a movie with?
My parents

032. Last food you ate?
a bowl of soup at work.

033. Last movie you watched?
Inspector whats-his-name-it-sounded-french. (pronounced 'wa-row'

034. Last song you listened to?
Unnatural Selection - Muse

035. Last thing you bought?
food~

036. Last person you hugged?
Me Mum


FAVES:

037. Food?
Egg Rolls from Rhino Foods

038. Drinks?
Grapefruit Soda

039. Clothing?
well-fitting jeans and awesome sweaters.

040. Book?
1984, Sword of Truth Series, etc...

041. Music?
Rock that dabbles in operatic vocals and symphonic instrumentals

042. Flower?
red flowers.

043. Colors?
shades of dark red

044. Movies?
Harold and Maude, Memento, Death Proof, etc...

045. Shoes?
Vans, Converse, Rocket Dogs..._{and heelies.}

046. Subjects?
Art, Religion


IN THE PAST YEAR I ... :

047. [ ] kissed in the snow

048. [ ] celebrated Halloween

049. [x] had your heart broken

050. [ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone

051. [ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation

052. [ ] came out of the closet

053. [ ] gotten pregnant

054. [ ] had an abortion

055. [x] done something you've regretted

056. [x] broke a promise

057. [x] hid a secret

058. [x] pretended to be happy

059. [x] met someone who changed your life

060. [x] pretended to be sick

061. [ ] left the country

062. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

063. [x] cried over the silliest thing

064. [x] ran a mile ...(not all at once lol)

065. [x] went to the beach with your best friend

066. [ ] stayed single the whole year

066.5 [ ] Responded to the rest of this en español. JK!


CURRENTLY:

067. Eating?
nope

068. Drinking?
nope

069. I'm about to?
Boomer

070. Listening to?
the sound of the floor fan

071. Plans for today/tomorrow?
art class, then helping some friends clean a house

072. Waiting for?
June


YOUR FUTURE:

073. Want kids?
Debating.

074. Want to get married?
Long lasting relationship, not specifically a marriage. seen too many failed ones to really want that.

075. Careers in mind?
Office work, cameraman...

WHICH IS BETTER ON A BOY/GIRL?

076. Lips or eyes?
boys - both. girls - eyes..

077. Shorter or taller?
boys - taller. girls - same height.

078. Romantic or spontaneous?
both - both.

079. Nice stomach or nice arms?
I kind of adore both.

080. Sensitive or loud?
depends on the individual.

081. Hookup or relationship?
you know I'm starting to think my hookups are more successful than my relationships.

082. Troublemaker or hesitant?
I've been attracted to both.

HAVE YOU EVER:

083. Lost glasses/contacts?
a glasses lens popped out of my glasses once while I was sitting still. on a moving bus. that was fun.

084. Ran away from home?
got as far as the curb.

085. Held a gun/knife for self defense?
no.

086. Killed somebody?
not that I can remember, no.

087. Broken someone's heart?
I dont think so?

088. Been arrested?
I've argued with cops before, but that's about it.

089. Cried when someone died?
I honestly have not had someone close to me die. yet.


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

090. Yourself?
sometimes

091. Miracles?
yeah.

092. Love at first sight?
infatuation at first sight.

093. Heaven?
Not sure.

094. Santa Claus?
Until I was like five or six.

095. Sex on the first date?
naw.

096. Kiss on the first date?
it could happen.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
no, there are more than one.

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
No.

099. Do you believe in God?
I believe that there is something, nameless, behind all of this.

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.
like hell I will

When these pillars get pulled down,
It will be you who wears the crown,
And I'll owe everything to you

How much pain has quaked your soul?
How much love would make you whole?
You're my guiding lightning strike

I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you

And she attacks me like a Leo,
When my heart is split like Rio,
And I assure you my debts are real

I can't find the words to say,
When I'm confused,
I travelled half the world to say,
You are my muse

Ah! ré ponds, ré ponds à ma tendresse,
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse,
Ré ponds à ma tendresse,
Ré ponds à ma tendresse,
Ah, verse-moi l'ivresse,

Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse
Ré ponds à ma tendresse!
Ré ponds à ma tendresse!
Ah! verse-moi l'ivresse

I belong,
I belong,
To you alone

I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you

-Muse; 'I Belong to You'

_{I love this song. so much...[link]}

things I did today:

-Learned how to write up a contract to protect my writes as camerawoman
-Got to level eight of Notpron.com
-Freaked out, as I have every day this week
-Decided to get Muse's new album (there is definite evidence of vocal improvement on the part of the singer. Not that his voice was bad at all, but he he must have gotten some sort of vocal training before this album was recorded. I mean, just listen to the notes he hits here [link] and compare it to [link] which, although an amazing song, has a much harsher vocal quality)
-Wrote my thoughts all out
-Procrastinated.

I hope tomorrow goes okay :\

so it turned out, with the new day...I felt worse... I'm not sure why. but I am thankful for friends, everyone who expressed concern for me and hoped for me to feel better, thank you. And though I know you wont see this right away, ~Alternate-Deviant, thank you too... I didnt realize we were on the phone for an hour and a half, but talking to you really helped. Lots of love to the Fips.

It was like the past 48 hours, my emotions were building and building until just a little while ago, and it got to the point where I couldnt handle it anymore. i was so hurt and upset and confused that I just needed to talk it out. I wasnt really hurt by anything in specific, either, other than my own feelings hurting me. Doubts about myself, doubts about my life and whats going on....just, everything.

I wish I knew more about what was going on about my life right now :\

Kait